The Struggle - Arctic

Arctic

I don’t love you any more, it’s over…

Those words still surface on the beach of my mind

Like a dead fish fighting time

Slowly dying and eating away deep memories from the flesh

Memories of me at my best

Now when the moment gets deep, I turn heartless

Not totally thoughtless

…but close

The avoidance of pain and hurt is the excuse

The avoidance of suffering and abuse

From knowing the outcome and hanging my own noose

So I’m Davy Jones with my heart locked up tight

But not buried on an island, sunny and bright

It’s in an ice cold fortress

Frozen and voiceless

Buried under, it’s over…

Buried under, I don’t love you…

Buried under, cold feelings

Buried under the arctic

My Back is Strong

I was reading a book of Langston Hughes' poems I just picked up and came across "American Heartbreak" and it instantly stuck with me. I read a few more after that but I had to come back to it. In only a few lines his words were powerful:

American Heartbreak

I am the American heartbreak-
Rock on which Freedom
Stumps its toe-
The great mistake
That Jamestown
Made long ago.

Right away I started writing and words from a Lupe Fiasco song (Put You on Game - The Cool) came to mind. I tried to blend or merge the times and have my take on it. We'll see how it turns out...

My Back is Strong

I am the American heartbreak
The back freedom stands on
It pees on my head and calls it rain
Its suppose to represent hard times and growth
To get a glimpse I have to look at its reflection in the puddle
My back is strong
But to really see freedom I have to turnover
In doing so I shake up the status quo
Then I'm called a thief, a criminal, a ni**er
When I'm only trying to be as free as the next
I am the rape of my Motherland to a murderous regime
I am the next generation, its offspring
I am American heartbreak
But songs of my broken heart are what America rocks too
"And for that paper look how low we'll stoop/
Even if you in a Benz, you still a ni**a in a coupe"
Dear America, my back is strong


- quote by Kanye West - All Falls Down, College Dropout

In the Mist (By Way of Cleveland)

This poem is one featured in my section of the collaboration poetry project called By Way of Cleveland. I'm sure you heard about it... www.wix.com/C_Town/BWofC-Town

In the Mist

Swords clashing and fists flying

Some won’t return and family will be crying

This battle is hard, it’s my first

And my breath is taken away, I thirst

I call to the Lord, protect me

As men are falling all around me

These men are huge and I’m afraid

In one position I stayed

Until I was found and I had to defend

At that moment I felt a brisk wind

The mist came over the area

I hear screams and hysteria

The man would tare me apart like a toy

But in that mist I saw the figure of a man

And he reached out his hand

Be not afraid my son

The battle is already won

He began to fade away into the mist

I grabbed my sword and made a fist

I felt the mist come inside

And I no longer wanted to hide

The man came at me and I laid him to rest

And in that moment I realized it was all a test

Though you may want to cease and desist

In your struggles and battles, God is there in the mist

Alone

Why do I feel so alone, for instance
Everyone is passing through my life or standing at a distance
They all come and go, take and leave
They hand me the tissue after they sneeze
They want something, everything but me
I mean they want me
But not for me
What I can do for them
They get mad when I tilt my brim
Turn my back and walk alone into the sunrise
Its like a costume party and everyone is in disguise
Did I create this ambience?
Or was it caused in the past by another presence?
Am I pushing them away in my defense
Scared to open up as the plot thickens with suspense
Surprised when love gives me a glimpse
But what's so great about me, a flawed man?
A man sometimes scared to look passed his own hand?
I struggle to keep balance and when I practice what I preach...
I then hear, "I think I'm big meech.."
And then I change like clear skies to snow
But you haven't known me long enough to say so
What if I never showed you the real me, how would you know?
This feeling of being alone is eating away at me but its my comfort zone
Its fully furnished with all my amenities, my home
To please everyone I think I'd need a clone
My actions may say other wise, but I'm tired of feeling alone

Rhythm of My Dreams

Lay my head down and close my eyes
I'm hoping for dreams
My mind is then lifted to the skies
I squint at flashing light beams
I'm now in a place to beautiful to describe
Waves crashing, sun shining, God has a smile
I'm suddenly pick up on another's vibe
Sounds like a live band, I'll sit here a while
It gets closer and I'm gripping with anticipation
The earth takes a moment to breathe, there is no sound
There's almost a feeling of intimidation
The rhythm shakes the ground
Up over the horizon and down the hill
I sense its "her," the lady in my smile
The rhythm gets me up on my feet, what a thrill
Glad I waited here a while
She stands at my back and says, "hey papi"
The hairs of my neck stand
No movement is wasted, nothing is sloppy
I dare not gaze upon her for she'll slip away like sand thru my hand
I just smile and respond with a hey beautiful, I missed you
I think she smiles, she lets out a sigh
She missed me too
She leans in and whispers bye
As she walks away leaves with her is the rhythm
And I realize something watching her depart
I gain a little wisdom
The rhythm of my dreams is the beat of her heart

A Different Me

I'm seeing the change in me
The change others can't see
Well, they think they can
But as a man said, I've worked too hard not to change
Can't stay in the childish range
Gotta grow up and explore
And in doing you open up a new door
Or doors
Inside waging wars
Trying to figure what type man I'll be
Trying to find the real me
Looking for balance within
And looking away from her heels and grin
Temptation, so wrong its right
Specially at the height I like
A gentleman is for certain, but what's under the umbrella?
What makes me that type of fella?
There's a different me on the rise molded by failures mistakes and pain
Trying to wipe clean, where's the Gain?
As a person grows they can't stay the same
There's new situations to react too
New angles to view
Different shades of blue
If you're caught up in my changes accept my apology
I am only following my heart, logically
And, well, you know how hard that is

Talking Walls

If these walls could talk
They would start with the chalk
Outlining a dead kid with a shiny face and a hole in the side
Looking like my blackberry where I charge in the ride
But there's no ap for that
Stupid killings over stupid things, so whack
Colors, pride, who is hardest, who is the better rapper
Its really about who is the better actor
Thug class 101
Where did this come from?
We're creating this facsimile
That's being copied and distributed throughout the community
How do we turn these cons into pros?
Only the wall with Jesus' picture frame knows

If these walls could spill the beans
They would tell tales of crack heads and fiends
How greed over took my so called brothers
Crossing the line to take care of their mothers
Is it worth it in the end?
Leading to another's death is still a sin
And taking matters into your own hands won't get the win
Those walls have seen the young die fast
Done in by their supporting cast
Or so called friends
Their speeding down a slippery slope
And that car plus speed gets too heavy for the stopping rope

If those walls could speak
They would tell of crooked policies and people that were weak
Old men with no knowledge of today
Still living in an old and out dated way
Looking for who ever can peak their interest or fatten their wallet
What's his name; senator, governor, or president what-cha-ma-call it
Lobbyist waiting in large lobbies to lobby for themselves
Not the people they were chosen for, to change how they dwell
Rephrase...
Lobbyist waiting in large lobbies to lobby for their pimp
Instead of helping the old war vet living in the projects with a gimp

If these here walls could talk
They would speak of a hard walk
Trusting in God it'll turn out fine
Just a brain in a voice box, speaking my mind
But these walls are talking in the form of a pen
Lord forgive us all for our sin
The ones that go on in between physical walls
And the ones that gather with a voice in a tight area like bathroom stalls
A hole in the wall of my brain has been punctured and starts to leak...
This is how a wall speaks


And then again, if these walls were to let the truth be found
They would tell of 3 kids college bound
A family living for each other
Mother father sons daughter sister and brothers
These walls would tell of faith being tested
But in Gods hands the problems are laid and rested
What do the walls say about you?